I broke down when I came back to my home. All the emotions, the frustration just got to me and I just starting sobbing and crying.

Why? Why is it so hard to get a friend that really understand? Why?

Do you know that I always felt that I'm not worthy when I'm with you? Somehow you just give me the feeling that I'm not worthy. Yes, I'm not as smart as you. Yes, I don't have your talent.

I've been sobbing and crying and asking myself why. Why why why? Those are the questions that I can't asnwer. Am I really that unworthy? Am I really that bad? Don't I deserve this?

I felt like I'm a rubbish. You guys come and find me when you need my help. That's what I felt. I felt like I'm a tool to you, a tool to get what you want.

I wish I can be stronger and not cry everytime when a problem pops out. But I'm just that weak. I can bear to face you any longer because I don't even know how to talk properly to you without feeling frustration.

Yes, I'm pissed off at school. But now, all I feel like it's my fault, you know? it's me. It's me. I'm dissapointed with myself. Why must I let my anger control me? I am mad when I found out that you kinda forget about me and didn't inform me. I felt left out, you know? How would you feel if you're in my shoes?

The feeling of being left out is not good. It sucks. I've been having this feeling since primary. I thought that I will never have this feeling again when I met you. But I still have that in me. That bitter side of me. That feeling is like in my blood already. I wanna it to get lost, but I can't.

I felt so useless, I felt left out.

I don't think that you'll understand what I'm feeling now.

I pray to god the He will let me finish typing this post without re-writing it again and again.
I made myself to blog at least once a week but being the usual lazy me, I will post posts without pictures! :D Go to http://www.facebook.com/sotseine for pictures! But I seldom update my pictures album because I’m too lazy!!!!!!!

School is still okay. Same pattern everyday. I skipped school on Wednesday because I over slept. :x Okay, wanna know the truth? Actually I woke up around 6.50am realising that I was late. Then I think to myself:"Oh shit! I have less than 10 minutes to prepare everything!" So I plonked myself back to my fluffy pillow while cuddling sottie and go back to my dreamland. I did had a good dream that morning! Fuiyohhh~~~ Can I have that dream again? Too bad it's just a dream. >.<

Okay, why didn’t I get to know them better earlier because they’re so fun to be with! They’re Yean yan, Hwei Yee and Prashanya! It’s sooooo funny to be with them. On Tuesday, Yean yan, Prashanya and I even planned to tweet Justin Bieber together! This is because we found out that he usually retweet his fan’s tweets so we decided to give it a shot but the results is he never reply. :P Kinda guessed that this will be it. How nice if he reply us right? So we joked around that he might be country-ist and only fancied European countries but not Asian countries. :P Sorry if I pissed some of his die-hard fans but we were just fooling around when we make that comment.

It’s a total waste of time that we went school today. No lessons were taught and I’m serious!! Scroll down to see the activities for today!!

Sej – teacher was absent. Yes!!

Bm – teacher was absent too!! Wohooo~ We’re over the moon!!

Sivik – was asked to do our own things and everyone kinda transformed to animals when we were giving opinions on where to go for our class trip. I didn’t even know the final decision because I was busy throwing paper balls here and there. Someone kept aiming for butt but I don’t know who. I know my butt is sexaayyyy and hot!!!! :P

-recess-

Moral – went to the library to finish up our folio but being the usual lazy me I went over to Yean yan, Prashanya and Hwei yee’s table to chit-chat with them. Imagine after 7 months only I start talking to them?? And they’re sitting just in front of me in the class. -.- wow, I’m really slow at making friends! Then we started to discuss of how to drag our English teacher’s time so that she won’t teach us.

English – plan succeed!! We started singing birthday song when she walked in and you can see it from her expression that she’s shocked. It’s actually Hwei yee’s birthday today! (: We kept repeating the birthday song and somehow our class started to sing random songs. Kenneth, Richard, Kang Ying and Kai Chean were even “invited” to dance in front of the class! It’s so hilarious! I’m loving my classmates more and more now! <3 My personal favorite part is whenever someone step in our class, we’ll start to sing birthday song like those shop censor? So Bryan kept stepping in and out so we were like Hap, Hap, Hap….!! :D

After english? Time to go home!!

I was pretty lucky that my name was not jotted down when there was spot check this morning. My nails and fringe were pretty long and I was so lucky when I was not caught by prefets! *phew* My fringe were so long that it kept poking my eyes until it was damn itchy. So haircut tomorroe after school activities! <3 Dreading for it now. I won’t want to risk to get caught the next spot check. And whilst we were in the library, I saw prefects walking in our class and they’re spot checking our bags. I was lucky, again that my friend’s highlighter which was on my table was not confistigated. My friend checked my table so thank youuuuu! (:

Oh ya, last but not least, congratz to Meng Jiun for his novel getting in the Selangor state contest. I regret so much for not participating although I finished writing mine. :x Is it worth it to not cut short my story because mine was a bit too long. Is it worth it?????? To those who are interested in my story, here's the link!!
http://sotseine.blogspot.com/2010_03_19_archive.html

~Tata~

Okay, I give up! I re-typed this post for 4 freaking times and it doesn't work out. ): Not my fault, blame blogger.com! Screw u!

Okay, I blogged to pass my time while waiting for the moment of getting a chance to win the MTV World Stage tickets. :x Wish me luck ya?

For the first time in my life, I fell asleep while watching the tele. I mean, this is just not me! I was too tired of sleeping late last night and waking up early today. It's Facebook's fault! Blame it!!! I literally fell asleep while watching The Biggest Loser Australia Season 2 and I fell asleep during the most exciting part. -.- So I didn't get to know which team loses the weigh-in and I can't watch the repeat because I AM watching the repeat.

Sometimes I just can't stand myself. Why must I be so lazy? Why can't I study like other people? Why can't I stop myself from feeling sleepy whenever I open my books and tried to study? I never suceed studying without falling asleep on my books. I hate myself so much when I do that! I only started to regret for not studying more when I got back my suckish results but beforehand, I don't have the motivation to get my ass of the laptop and start studying. ):

Maybe I should take all my books to the Garden Terrace's Office and study? Well, there's air-cond there and there's no handphone/laptop to distract me. Nah, I'll surely fall asleep as well, or maybe I'll day-dream while looking out the windows and enjoy the scenary. Exam is exactly a month away and I have not prepared. I don't understand all my sciences subjects. I don't know what is coming out from teachers mouth! All I know is their mouth is moving non stop and I have no idea what are they talking about. Being in the tuition is the same case too! For physics is more okay for me because I at least understand what he is talking about. But I just don't know how to do his homework when I'm at home. Chemistry is the worst! I don't even understand what is the tuition teacher talking about! Biology is the worst of the lot! I never attend tuition for that because I think I still can handle it, and obviously I can't but I never had tuition for that too. I'm lazy to go to tuitions!!!!!!

What is wrong with me, dude? Wake up wake up!!!! There's no such year as honeymoon year!!!

BTW, I wanna thank Hanley Fong again for helping me to spot junior and the bee for the MTV World Stage tickets! Thank you! (:

Heya! I think I have left my bloggie dead for quite some time. Too bad! My results sucks so no laptop! ): Oh ya, before I forget, the lazy bum bum Chen Wei Seine a.k.a sotseine has finally made up her mind to open up a facebook account after being laugh by Mr.Lee numerous time for being outdated. -.- So here's my link and add me up if I left you out ya?

Hmmm.... Let's see. Okay, on 2-4th July, I went to a camp in FRIM, Kepong. The experience is urm, I'm trying to find the suitable word but failed. In simple, it's fun although it's dirty. I've been extremely scared of leece biting me before I went to the camp and luckily, no leech bite for me! I'm such a lucky girl! :P And I'm lucky enough again to be not chosen for the night patrol! Imagine my luck! Should have gotten myself a lottery ticket or something, maybe I might win! Met some new friends there and we actually have our little secrets of our own after we came back from the camp. Hui Sin,Twins, Ee Cheng, Vivien and I have our little secret admirer after the camp. We're like crazy hunting for our idols in school and talking about them during recess. We'll brag and say who walk past us and who did we saw and lots more. I know it sounds childish but we had tons of fun from it. (: I think it's a bitter-sweet memory that I'll definitely remember when I'm old next time. How come it's bitter? Try and ask me in person! ;) But I don't think I'm gonna tell you! Hahahaha~

Then we had a suprise party for both Vivien and Ee Cheng! (: They sure got a shock from it! I enjoyes myself once again. I know I'm skipping all the details but I don't think I have the mood to blog it all out.

Haven't got back my result slip back. :x I want it I want it I want it! Okay, time to stop blogging and time for face-booking! Gosh, I've just open my account for 2 days and I'm already addicted to it? Damn those people that made me open-ed it. xD

Tata~ *I miss ou xiang~*

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Did my aural test and teacher kept laughing at me when I said these line :-
"Aw man! I'm so hungry! I've not eaten in three whole days!"
"Books? What are books? I wonder if they are delicious?"

-I think she kept laughing because I use to eat in class and there's no way that I can survive if I haven't eat in three whole days! I think I'll drop dead after the 1st half day. :x

The worst part is, for literature, teacher had 4 people out to "perform" the Gulp and Gasp drama.
Richard-Lord Septic
Hong Chun - Crouch
Kang Ying - Percy
Rose - Me! T_T

Imagine having to say "I love you" to Kang Ying! The whole class was laughing like mad! T_T
and in such coincedence, Rose had to say the same line "I've not eaten in 3 days!" and I broke into giggles. Teacher kept laughing too. Poor me having to starve for 6 days altogether.

I even had to let Kang Ying touch my hand! :0 I kept laughing whenever I have lines that need me to express my affection towards Percy. But I can't help myself when I need to repeat the lines to Kang Ying! My cheeks were so tired after the drama from laughing and laughing and laughing! I'm starting to love school already! <3

*I need to clarify that it is nothing personal about Kang Ying, kay?*

How nice if school is all about presenting drama, drama and drama? No more reports! No more essays! Everything is just drama! Bah, I'm not in drama school~